Being Yourself Can Be a Scary Thing

I spent most of my young life being told I wasn't good enough, pretty enough, fast enough, slow enough, loud enough, too loud. My family took great joy in putting me down, and I internalized all these things until I crumbled inside. I walked away from most of my family
years ago, but those internal voices kept telling me I had to be this or that.

For instance, I would not go anywhere without makeup on. Oh, I'd go out into the yard to garden or do chores without makeup, but if I was going out in public, I had to be dressed properly, hair coifed, makeup done to perfection. This was my public face, the only one anyone who I hadn't actually lived with knew. Then the recession hit.

I lost my job and could not find another one. As I went through my savings, makeup was the last thing on my needs list. I tried to survive with dollar store makeup for awhile, but even that became a luxury at some point, so I just stopped wearing it. I remember very well the first day I went out without my face done. I was convinced that everyone was staring at me. I'd run into people I knew on the street or in stores and they always looked shocked when they first saw me. They had never seen the real me.

As time went on, it was as if all that makeup had been holding in my authentic self, not allowing it to escape. The face I had on was the face I had become. Once I stopped caring what people thought of me, I went a step further and stopped coloring my hair, let my grey shine. I also stopped worrying so much about what I wore, opting for comfort over fashion. I used to have 20 pairs of sandals, most with heels. Now I live in flip-flops and never wear dressy sandals at all, in fact, I gave them all away. I can't believe I ever balanced my body on those slippery-bottomed things! When I had to wear high heels for my son's wedding, my legs and feet hurt so badly for days afterwards that I hobbled around like a lame horse, demonstrating to me just how tortured my legs and feet had been for all those years.

There is such a concern with most people about what the outside world thinks of them. They put on their outside face and pull up their outside persona every day, and feel exhausted every night from being something they are not. They dare not let that persona slip, lest they be criticized or worse, ostracized. I can't believe I actually used to be one of them. I can't even believe I WANTED to be one of them.

I used to attract all the wrong kinds of people, people who were just as fake as I was. Living in that world made me so stressed that I regularly had meltdowns and cried myself to sleep more times than I could count. Walking away from that world, which was all I had ever known, was difficult, but now that I have, I don't know if I could ever go back. I now know who I am, and I'm comfortable with that. People who don't want to be around me are people who are not comfortable with themselves, which is fine with me.

I'm not suggesting you all stop wearing makeup, coloring your hair, and wear slouchy clothes, but take off your internal mask. Step out of that artificial persona you've built and stop worrying about what people think of you. Follow your passion. Live out your dreams. BE YOU, and trust me, the world will not collapse around you.

You will find yourself in a different world, where you can surround yourself with people who love you for who you are, warts and all. You will be more relaxed, more happy and less drained. You will have more to give to others, and others will want to give to you. Take a leap of faith and find out if you can FLY!