When Having Just Enough Isn't Enough

People say I'm brave, and they admire me for my tenacity, the way I go on despite challenges to my life. Some say they could never live like I do, with just enough to get through and no more. Well, I'm not brave, I'm not always strong, and sometimes

having "just enough" is not enough.

My computer is dying. I knew it would die eventually, and didn't plan for it. Stupid of me, and there really is no excuse. I've gone through some bad times, but then I've also had some good times when I could have saved up and bought a new computer before this one died, but I didn't. It's all on me. No one and nothing else is to blame.

So now I need a new computer because I work online, and I have to find a way to get the money for it. Right now, having "just enough" isn't enough. I don't need much, just a few hundred dollars, but I don't have savings and I don't have charge cards, so it means working harder until I get the money, and praying every morning that the computer starts up and runs all day.

So this is where going on when you don't have the strength comes in, and looking at what I DO have instead of what I DON'T have.

I have one blessing where this is concerned - the local library. If my computer indeed does die, I can get my senior monthly bus pass for $17.50 and go work at the library. It's not simple working at the library, because you can only have the computer for 45 minutes at a time, and there is no way to save your work unless you work in the cloud. I don't like working in the cloud, but I'll have to so I don't lose my work if I run out of time in the middle. You can only renew that 45 minutes once, and only if people are not waiting for your machine, then you have to get off and put in a request to get another machine. Most of the time, you can just renew, so you can be on for a full 1.5 hours, but then you MUST get off and put in a request to get another computer.

So it's aggravating and riding two buses to get there is not fun, but it's a blessing nevertheless that will keep me working when I would otherwise be stuck here not doing anything.

Another blessing is that one client I work for will have a big, well-paying project starting in a couple of weeks, so I can make that money quickly. In the meantime, I'll just keep doing what I'm doing and save as much as I can.

All this has shown me that I need to plan better for eventual expenses that affect my life. I can't always live as if having just enough to get by is fine. While that's a more stress-free lifestyle on a daily basis, on days like this, it just creates stress. Most people call this an emergency fund. I'm going to call it my security fund, because it will make me secure in the fact that if something bad happens, I can deal with it.

Sometimes, we have to change to be more of who we are, and live more like we want to live, and sometimes, you have to just keep going, when your heart and mind want to give up.