Coronavirus, Isolation, and Me

Being a loner, I self-isolate most of the time, so I feel sorry for those who are usually gregarious, running about meeting for coffee or lunch, going places in groups. They must hate this isolation. I read today that Ricky Gervais had chastised celebrities in mansions who are whining about how hard the isolation is, while our health care workers are working 14 hour shifts to save us.

The thing is, celebrities are all narcissists, some worse than others. They live for attention, for applause, for praise. They simply cannot live without having a large audience of people saying how wonderful they are, and just reading it on social media is not enough.

Take our reality star *president. He's turned a very serious health crisis into a campaign opportunity. It's not because he can't have rallies. It's because he can't live without the attention. He's made a global pandemic into "The Trump Show," a sick and twisted reality show where he is the star and everyone else around him are in danger of being fired if they contradict him in any way. He has a sidekick -- Mike Pence -- who sucks up to him so badly, you have to wonder if they aren't having a secret, forbidden, back-bedroom homosexual affair. Seriously, Mike Pence is the most obsequious worm I've ever seen -- well -- he and our (Florida's) governor DeSantis.

But I'm getting sidetracked now. The topic is isolation, and how different people handle it. Even being the loner I am, mostly hermitizing myself (Is that a word? It is now, I guess.) inside my tiny apartment and courtyard, I am beginning to feel the strain. I don't crave attention by any means, but I do need occasional companionship.

I miss my garden pals. I say pals, because they mostly just come and go out of my life when I have something to sell or mostly when I have something to give away or trade with them. I see them then, but never see or hear from them again. They aren't really "friends," per se, just like-minded people who drift in and out of my life.

Except one. A health care worker who I gave some plants to not long ago contacted me to see if I needed anything, or she could do anything for me. That touched me so much, that she would remember me enough to be concerned, so we friended each other on Facebook, and I'm sure when things get better, we'll be getting together to talk gardening.

But I digress.

I hate the summer, which may sound strange for someone who loves the outdoors so much, but with my lupus, our steamy hot summer is much like the harsh winters up north. I just stay inside and try to get through it. But even then, I have friends who will come pick me up and take me shopping, or just out to go thrifting or whatever is in the pipeline at that time. I hate the isolation during the summer, but at least there is an occasional break, and I know it will eventually end.

There is no break now, and it just got worse.

I had an online friend who offered to do my grocery shopping for me. She works at Walmart, so she offered to pick up a few things for me on the days she works and, since she lives close, she drops them by my apartment for me. We've met from a distance when she drops off the groceries, and chatted a bit. I like her. She's young, but I feel like we could be real friends once all this is over.

I just found out she can't shop for me anymore. She has the virus. She says it's not a bad case, but now I'm all worried about her, and about the exposure I may have gotten just from touching the grocery bags she brought me.

So the isolation is different now. I feel like I should self-quarantine just in case, but how do I get my groceries? Am I any safer using a delivery service than I was with this wonderful young lady who gave of her time and energy to help me? Did she pick up the virus while shopping for me? I just feel like I'm somehow responsible, although I know that working at Walmart, she was at much higher risk than the rest of us.

And I'm out of milk. I need milk because I have about a dozen herbs and supplements that have to be taken with food, and milk is, after all, a food, not a beverage.

It's very selfish of me to be thinking of milk right now, isn't it? Isolation and a lack of self-sufficiency and control can make you into a very different person. I just hope I change back to my real self when it's over, because I don't like this one, and I'm stuck here -- alone -- with only her -- 24/7.