The End of Concern

 

Once I  told my son that I was depressed, and he said "I can't be responsible for your mental health." So now he's angry with me -- again -- and while I can't say I don't care, I'm way past trying to do anything about it. I'm just not concerned. He'll either come out of it, or he won't. I'm sort of used to my children not speaking to me for years at a time, but I'm too old to worry about it anymore. They're adults. They can make their own choices. 

In short, I'm only concerned with what makes my life right here where I am better or worse. There are not a lot of things I have control over, and people's feelings certainly are not one of them. Don't get me wrong. I try to be a nice person, encourage others, be kind and generous. I simply can no longer let my life and happiness be dictated by things outside the scope of my everyday life. 

 

I simply don't have the energy to try to save the world anymore. My feet are sore from walking on eggshells for so long, just trying to be what everyone else wants me to be and not being able to be myself. 

I don't want to be "successful." I'll always find a way to survive, and if my way doesn't appeal to you, so be it. I'm never going to be rich, or even middle class. This is the life I've chosen, the one where I'm not so stressed every day that my body breaks down to the point where I can't enjoy the life I have. 

I just want to relax. I don't want to fight. I don't want to change. I don't want to work hard. I may not like my living environment right now, but that's one thing I can change, and I will, eventually. I may move to another city and I may move to another country. I may move into an RV. Whatever I do, it will be my choice and I'll make it without consideration of what other people think I should do, because it's not their concern.

 

I won't stop caring about people, especially not my children, but I've stopped letting what they think I should be and do concern me. I'm only concerned with making my little corner of the world as pleasant and happy as I can. I can't fix anyone else.